Well as for this week. It was tough, it was tough because it has become much of the same situation as last transfer. Now though its a little more intense almost like a stage 2. My faith is being tried and I feel myself becoming weak. I try so hard to be what the Lord needs me to be and feel at times so alone in the work. My companion has been doing things that are not ok and has told me on several ocassions he has no intention on keeping any rules, working, and will do what he wants. I try to speak up but he quickly turns my advice down because im only Junior and because im American haha. (He isnt a fan of Americans) This whole week Ive been upset. I tryed so hard to keep a positive attitude and apply the lessons I learned last transfer. (The very things I testified to everyone of you)... but I found at every corner I was being torn down and apart by His words to me, his hatred for Americans, his desire to break every rule, everthing seemed against me... I knew I only had control of my actions and I never participated in any activity, but all the worldly things around me where begining to take its toll on me. I felt so alone... I felt like I was in a fog with a dim light. I couldnt see the path or which way was up or down, left or right. I desperatly wanted this all to go away and feel the peace that comes from the Savior, and the joy of being a true missionary and bringing His children back to Him... but honestly things seemed so far from me and that feeling of being alone began to consume my heart as I felt there was no escape.
Latter in the week the Lord showed His concern for me as he blessed me with the chance to talk with my Presidente... It was interview time with Presidente Perrotti and I dont know how it fell on this particular moment in my mission but the Lord must have known I would need his counsel and help. As I waited to enter his office I had all these emotions running through my head and I had no idea what I was going to say to him, how I was going to explain all my emotions in portuguese to him about the current situation I was in with my companion. I sat outside his office and noticed I was the only one standing in the hall. I silently got down and bowed my head and pleaded with the Lord for His spirit to be with me that Presidente could feel my desire and spirit to be a missionary and the missionary the Lord knows I can be. That I will feel the spirit and feel the peace that comes from this wonderful Gospel and that my calling will eventually be magnified. I have always been lucky throughout my life to be somewhat sensitive to the things of the spirit and sacred things ( a wonderful blessing from God) but at this moment I felt my chest become filled as it was burning. So much peace entered my heart that I even breathed a sigh of relief and continued to breath so slowly for fear of cooling that precious heat deep in my heart. I opened my eyes and saw the door to Presidente's office opening. I stood to my feet and entered with cofidence. I sat dow in the office and the spirit was so strong the moment I entered. As I looked at Presidente Perrotti I felt so much love and light from him... almost as if he was glowing. We began the interview pretty casual then soon it became an answer to my humble prayer. Without even mentioning anything yet of my difficulties with my companion and his fubecing presidente looked me in the eyes and said, "Elder Doggett, I know you have been put with some real tough companions and been put in very difficult situations where there seemed to be no choice in right and wrong. Their desires and ideas about the work are alot different than yours. Some of those desires are worldy and destructive to a missionary... I know how heavy it can be to bear this when you witness their terrible actions and rebelious state. You may even feel alone and abandoned as you are trying everything you can to serve me, and importantly your Lord... they may even treat you terribly for your desire to work, serve and keep the rules, but remeber, this is YOUR mission and you will one day stand in front of God and witness your works as you were on His errand... Have patience and contiune on in faith that the Lord will help you. If they dont want to keep the rules be an example and stand for the truth, stand up for you savior and stand up for you beliefs! If your not with Him your against Him." I sat there overcome by the spirit and tears slighly falling down my face as I was truely humbled. The scriptures in D & C 98 came to my mind that reads "... let not your hearts be troubled" (D&C 98: 18) "and again I say unto you, if you observe to do whatsoever I command of you, I the Lord will turn all wrath and indignation from you, and the Gates of hell shall not prevail against you" (D&C 98:22) "... bear it patiently, and your reward shall be hundredfold." (D&C 98:25)... Presidente at the end of the interview said something that struck me so hard as it was exaclty what I needed to hear he said, "Elder Doggett dont have fear; be a protector of the truth." Those words havent been able to leave my head all week and I feel that applies to us all. In any situation stand up for what you believe in and be A PROTECTOR OF THE TRUTH in all things. Stand up for what you believe and trust in the Lord.
Last night as I laid in bed unable to sleep as I pondered all the crazy events that have happened this week and the lesson the Lord as been trying to teach me as his missionário and thinking about the message I wanted to share with you all this week. I just listened the rain fall and soon found myself knelt at the side of my bed with tears of gratitude falling down my face for His endless mercy and grace for me this humble servant. For the Presidente who blessed my life and was in tune with the spirit to say exaclty what the Lord needed His missionário to know. I testify we cant have fear, we have to stand up even if that means were alone, even if the means we may not be the most popular. I felt last night as I said my prayer that I am exaclty where he needs me. I am with exaclty the right companion to grow and progress into the Man, Husband, Father, Priesthood holder He needs me to be someday. I know where my duty lies and in whom I must trust. I must stand for what is right and Protect the Truth with every fiber I posse. I apoligize that this may sound like I am complaining or maybe self righteouss... Trust me im not perfect and have had many regrets in my past, many things I wish I could change... but I know that Jesus Christ lives and through His endless Atonement we can be made clean. I love my companion and hope in some small way I can be an example and protect the Truth... and someday I can bow at the feet of my savior Jesus Christ knowing I did all I could and stood up for what is right. I challenge everyone of you this week to apply this into your lives and continue on in faith. God lives and loves everyone of us. We are His children how wonderful this glad message is... I know we may feel alone and lost at times as I mentioned but soon the fog will clear and the sun will shine brighter than before. I love you all and hope this experience may in some way speak to you heart through the power of the Holy Ghost is my humble pray for you all... May God be with you and bless you all till we meet again. Love you
Elder Benjamin B. Doggett
I love being a missionary and know it will be a great week.