Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Ben # 34 Rough Times

Another week past... Thank you family and friends for all your amazing emails and love. The events of this past week I really needed to read and feel of your spirits and support. I read them all and just cryed. This last week was a rough one for me thats for sure. I spent alot of time on my knees asking the Lord for His guidance... and today I recieved a great amount of help, I love and thank you all. I will soon talk about the events of this past week and the lessons the Lord has taught me but a thought just crossed my mind as I realized what today is. Today is December 10th. Exactly one year ago from this date I had the chance to go through the Temple and recieve the wonderful blessings that we sing as children in primary. This moment in my life was a grand step into realizing the big picture and plan that God has for us, His children. I remeber my parents, sisters, brother-in-law, Grandparents, Uncle, Aunt, friends (Jordan & Brady) and of course my wonderful brother shared this significate moment with me. I have since that moment been to the Temple many times and felt that joy, peace, and blessings that come from Temple attendance, but a memory from that day exactly a year ago will never leave my mind and I would like to share it with you all as it has brought me tremendous strength through the trials of this week... I remeber after everything was finished and I had experienced and recieved the wonderful blessings inside there the spirit was burning my heart and filling my body to a degree that i cannot explain. I was alone and began to walk and soon found myself walking into the Celstial room and there saw everyone... smiling at me... I saw my incrediable Mom and Dad, my beautiful sisters, my (at the moment soon to be brother-in law-) with his arm around my sister, my star grandparents, my amazing Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Shel, my hilarious friends who have seen me at every level, and then my twin... my twin brother the one who knows me better then I know myself, the one who has been through the thick of it all with me, the one who has experienced much of what I have. Family friends... Thats the big picture, Isnt that where ture happiness is found? Not in the things of the world. In that moment I felt a happiness that cannot be brought by anything else then from the pure and everlasting gospel. and oh was it worth it. I will never forget that special moment.
I bet your wondering right now why I shared this moment with you and how it applies to the things that happened this past week... well as John Bytheway once said "Rough start, great finish." This last week has a very tough one for me. My companion as many of you are aware from my last email doesnt really like me too much and now he REALLY doesnt like me. I told myself last Transfer and ecspecially after interviews with President that I had to be a protector of the truth and stand up for myself. I couldnt let others bring me down and have negative effects on me. I had to do everything possible to do what I know to be right because I just have control over myself. Well this last week I did just that. Through pray, and help from heaven I sat down and talked to my companion. I shared with him what I want out of the mission and told him I needed his help to be able to accomplish this great work. I desperatly relied on the spirit and could feel it bringing the proper words to say to my companion... He told me, after I had finished talking, that I dont know how it really works out here in the mission and he began to laugh at me. I felt alone and had no idea what to do. I followed the spirit right? How could I help him realize that this stuff is not ok, how was i going to protect the truth?  Well it soon went up the ladder of leadership of what was goin on and as the week went on I contiuned to pray and do everything I could to do what was right but... felt so completly lost. The leaders soon came and talked to my companion about everything that was going on and he became furious with me because I had talked to the District leader. After the leaders came things went to the next level and he began to rip me apart at every angle and I just felt utterly and hopelessly lost. I remeber many nights this week praying so hard and with as much faith as I could muster that this would soon all be ok. Well the insults contiuned and the depression was kicking in for me. I was always pretty likeable back home and never really insulted much on a big scale level like this and my self confidence was decreasing fast. doubts began to fill my head and my ability to contiune was being stretched. The other missionaries in the house I live in where worried that what was going on was becoming almost emotional abusive on a level ( I dont think it was that extreme haha) anyway it was becoming hard for me cause I was doing everything I was suppose to I was following all the rules and doing what the President of the mission asked me to do and most importantly trying to do what the Lord would have me do. I just couldnt figure out why this was all happening? I felt so alone... but then the Lord revealed unto me some wonderful advice.
When we work out and lift weights do you know what happens? Your muscles tear and rip... so they can grow back stronger. I was feeling torn apart and feeling so weak from all that was happening but then I remebered my Savior Jesus Christ. He was rejected by His friends and had many people yell those horrible words crucify him, I cant inamgine that. He kept going though and pushed on. If he would have given up then the whole Plan of Happiness would have failed and we would have been completly lost forever with no hope. The last words the Savior said when he was on the cross for us was "Its finished," but in the J.S.T version we read that it actually read "Its finished, thy will is done." He accepted the will of the Father and did HIs work. I felt so much peace from this and realized that I too could push on. Im being torn apart and I feel so helpless at times with my companion but I know what the Lord wants from me. He is giving me this experience so I can become stronger and become what he really needs me to be. As Dallin H. Oaks said " The strengths you develop by this means (trials) will be worth it to you in the eternities to come, feel no envy for those who seem to have it easier." Family and friends something I have a deep testimony of now is sometimes we pass through difficulties and it may seem hard at the moment and even a little impossible. We may even question why its happening... but I testify and promise the Lord is preparing you for something great. We just have to be patient and ask ourselfs "what is it the Lord is trying to teach me?" You are all such wonderful examples to me and I love you all so much. I know that if we keep going we will see our loved ones again.We may be wondering alone and feel lost but I promise you we will see their great smiles and the spirit will be undescriable and fill us to a degree of everlasting love. Just like I witnessed 1 year ago to the day... "These experiences are for your good" (D&C 122: 7) and will be forever. I dont know what this next week holds, I know it might be tough but im ready! I want to work out so my muscles and tear so I can be what the Lord needs me to be. Remember always if any of you are struggleing at this point in your life that the Lord is only making you that much stronger, and preparing you to be that much better. We are learning and growing in wasys that we dont even recognize and soon the trials will be blessings. I know it may be a rough start sometimes... but it will be a great finish I promise. :) I love you all so very much. Im excited to talk to my family soon and cant wait to see you all. I love you all so much and I hope God may be with you all and I hope to hear from you all soon. I know this church is true and I know the Lord is teaching me some vauleable lessons... I love my misison.
Love Elder Benjamin B. Doggett 

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