Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Ben #20

Well... To be honest I dont know where once again to begin this Email. My Brother Matthew is a spiritual giant!!!! Its so amazing to me because Matt and I are in two completely different missions, but the experiences we both are having are like I have him right next to me... but before I get into the events of today I need to begin by saying how grateful I am for (as Matt said) My family, and friends. Mom, Dad I REALLY needed your emails this week. I felt a sure spirit that cant be described as I read them. Mom thank you for sharing that story of my beloved friend Cody. Share my love with his family and let Diane know I will be there in two years! She can count on it! Kristin, Erika You both said some very powerful things in your emails that I needed to hear as well along with some very inspirational quotes and scriptures.Also Austin I loved your email! You are amazing friends whom I miss dearly... You all have no idea how I wish I could just explain to you in person with all the ethusiam that exists in my being what they do for me. Thank you so much for all being my angels.
Ok, onto the events of this week. Well first off I had a really bad case of food poisoning ( I think it was from a Brazilian egg salad) but dont worry all is good now haha it was kind of a funny experience I wont lie. The food poision hit me during a lesson oh, the experiences of the mission you have to love them haha... but sorry that story will need to wait for another day. I would love to tell you and focus more on some spiritual things that occurred rather then my body problems haha. Now, I would love to sit here and tell you that now from the events of last week im a spiritual ROCK... but the truth is Im human, a weak boy who truely came to realize he is nothing without his God. He realized how weak he is... I am... and really how much I need the savior in my life. The Lord took me and sat me comfortable in a chair and with a smile, love and patience and taught me the importance of having a positive attitude in the trials of life. As Matt said this week for me also was a huge block. The puzzle pieces that I thought I had right, were far from being in the right place. I became so confused. Why!? I thought I finally had it figured out Heavenly Father, What do I need to do!?- I can honsetly tell you my weaknesses rose to the surface and I have never felt them so prominate. I remember walking home saturday evening from an appointment feeling so defeated. An investigater was asking some really important questions about our Prophet Thomas S. Monson. I sat there trying to answer, but most the time I didnt even know what was going on! She was having a hard time understanding me and me her. My companion then just took over and seemed really put out at my efforts. I feel terrible cause I feel his patience with me is wearing thin. I want to be a good influence on him but I feel so far from the task... From then on everytime I tryed to talk my companion would just hurry and cut in as to not confuse her anymore. I felt so frustrated, so alone, so weak! This stuff was so important and I cant even teach or speak. I cant even be a missionary, Why am I even trying I thought. The natural man really began to come into play. After all my spiritual experiences I have had on the mission. After ever moment the Lord blessed me with his power and spirit I still doubted my abilities to be a missionary and became angry. I was not quick to remember my Lord. It took me till the next morning during church when this all hit me. I sat there ashammed. Here I was, a messanger of my Lord and savior and have been blessed and taught beyond measure and being set apart and called by a Prophet of God thinking "there is no way I can be a missionary" I then realized how far I really have to go. We are nothing without our Lord and Savior. In that moment as I took the sacrament I felt his love encirlce me and the sure comfort that yes Ben, You can be a missionary. I was so humbled 
Family Friends how quick are we to forget our Lord and Savior. How quick do we forget all he has blessed us with? I never realized this but in my times when everthing was going wrong I quickly would turn to the natural man. This brought so much saddness to my heart and I was truely humbled in that sacrament meeting. I soon after began to read in the scriptures in 1st Nephi. The Brothers of Nephi stood out to me. There is a reason they are in the scriptures. They were shown miracle after miracle and yet still when things got really tough and discouraging they didnt remember the Lord their God but instead become angry even to the point of hurting their own brother... I was Laman and Lemeul this week. I became so frustated and doubted every little thing... but here I am so humbled to be a missionary. Im so humbled to be surrounded by family and friends who love and support me. Im so humbled to have a loving savior who took my stuborn hand and gently placed the next puzzle piece there in. This week like every other week was quite the experience for me. I have so much to work on and so much I owe my savior. Anyone who is reading this I testify that God lives. Im a missionary, yes... but just like you far from perfect. I promise if you get on your knees and converse with your Father... and I mean CONVERSE with him, tell him about your day, tell him what you recognize and then sincerly ask for his help you will recieve it. Week after week I witness the atonement play a role in my life and I know we all can truely turn to our savior. I have a long ways to go as a missionary. I need his help. I know now this work is not my own but really the Lords work. Its one of the hardest things I have ever done emotionally, physically, and spiritually but EVERONE should serve a mission haha... I love the words from Howard W. Hunter "...We will not be tempted beyond our ability to withstand (Missionary work). Our Detours and disappointments are the STRAIGHT and NARROW path to Him." Im not the smartest guy, im what they call a late bloomer haha things may take a little longer for me. (Jamba juice knows that haha!) but eventually with time Ifigure it out and I know I am on the Lords errand. My favorite scripture (if you can even have one) is in Helaman 5 12, "Remember Rember that is upon the rock of our redeemer who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must bulid your foundation..."- I hope I can continue to bulid upon the rock throughout my mission. Continue to develop my relationship with my Father in Heaven. Family Friends I love you. I apoligize,my emails have been all over the place these last few weeks, but I just cant describe what the mission teaches you. It is the best decision I have ever made. Thank you all for playing a role in preparing me for this moment. Whenever it gets overwhelming I can instantly feel all your love and prays. I hope to hear from you all soon and know I love you dearly... The Lord is with us I so Testify.
Love Elder Benjamin. B. Doggett 

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