Family friends... This week was truely humbling for me. First thank you once more for all the emails and testimonys. I heard from so many of my family and friends. I cant not thank you all enough for the emails this week. Everysingle one of you that wrote me had a different piece of the puzzle for me. I have really been wwrestling with God this week much like the prophet Enos, and found so much spiritual inspiration its just undescriable. Mom and Dad your emails I truely needed. Dad you shared a scripture from DC 1 I was thinking alot about that section of DC. I remembered a scripture from it that reads "I will call upon the weak things of the world" This week I truely felt that. I am a simple boy from a simple town called Rexburg Idaho called to do a Marvilous work... The Work of the Lord. Sometimes this work seems so inreachable for someone like me. I understand in everything I have done throughout my life I have always been somewhat of a late bloomer, but eventually I do get it. Its something I have really had to rely on and remember this week. Every thing seemed to be going against me this week. Every person I talked to had something negative to say to me or attack me in some regrad as my being here in Brazil. Alot of our investigators stopped progressing and we are at a stal mate with them. I became depressed sorta speak. I began to foget my purpose as a missionary and every thought I had was directed to my needs. Family Friends, at this moment i was truely humbled.
I remember being in my room looking at a photo of my family. My legs were sore from the days events once again feeling sorry for myself. I looked down and saw that boy with that family and couldnt understand where that boy was. The one with that smile... Where had he gone? Why wasnt he here right now? This work is the work of the Lord, shouldnt he be here? Tears soon fell. I was so overwhelmed. With everything. Here I am 6 months out and I feel so useless. Like I havent done anygood whatsoever for my Savior. As I sat there I felt a voice clearer then day whisper and comfort my heart. I then remembered a talk given to me by my brother Matt(Spiritual giant) in which it talks about what we envision in our selfs. Do we envision who we want to be in the future? Who we want to become? Sometimes in this life we are given hard things to overcome not because we are being punished but because the Lord is seeing if we will use our agency to choose to follow him. At these moments we can either go one or two ways. We can move forward and incorporate into our beings the qualities of Light... or move backwards and assimilate the qualities of darkness. Every bad thing that happens to you, every unfairness, every conflict, every sadness, tragedy, every disappointment and heartache, every temptation, and every opposition happens for one purpose only to give us the oppurtunity and privlege to respond by applying in our life the teachings of our Brother, Savior, Reedemer... Jesus Christ. I had forgotten that. I felt once again humbled as I fell to my knees.
I want to be a man of God, I want to give him all I have. Every desire, every hope, everything. Thats what I envision. I want to become a man that God can call on in any given moment. A man that he can trust. I know that the Lord will guide me and give me the strength to overcome any trial. Because I know this will allow me the chance to move forward towards God and this envision I have of the future can become a reality. Every trial and hardship i am facing every person rejecting me and saying negative things to me, every investigator that has that stal mate will give me the chance to turn to the Lord and come closer to him. To apply his teachings.
This week was tough for me. I think actually one of the hardest I have ever faced on the mission, but I came to a relization of what I want to be. Of who I hope to become. I never felt so much peace enter my heart before. I testify he lives and he does care so much about us all. That boy in the picture he hadnt left. He was still there. He just had trapped himself in a prision of his mind, but the Lord provided the key for his escape. I love this work. I love this Gospel. I love this chance to be a missionary and for the life lessons I am learning everyday. As I get through one week the Lord preprares another week for me to become more like him. Every man should serve a mission. They do not understand the signifigance of this great commandment in their lives. The way the Lord will change their hearts and humble them. We need the Lord in our lives more then I ever knew... but now I have grown such a deep love for my Savior and all that he has done for me. As Nephi taught "O Lord I have trusted thee and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh." (2 Nephi 4: 34) I trust in my Lord, I know this is where I need to be...I will give him all that I am. Though I may be "Weak and Simple" he has called me and I cannot fail. My course is set, I know what I want to become. My challenge is for all of you to sit down and ponder in your hearts who you want to become. When everything is said and down when you take away your career, car, house, family, wife, school, everything you have and you are just left with you standing there, who will you be? What qualities and attributes will YOU posses? (Lawerence E. Corbridge)
I wish you all could see and witness all the things I see here in Brasil. That you could see the miracles and love the Lord has for his children. I am humbled to be a missionary for this wonderful Church, I know it is in fact the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, that Jesus is at the head of it guiding Prophets in these days to be his spokesmen. We get the chance here in 3 weeks to hear from these special witnesses of the divinity of this Christ whom lives. I cant wait... I ecspecially have a frim belief and love for my Savior as well. I just cant explain it in words, but please feel my heart as you read this. I know he bleed and died for everyone of us so we could live with our Father again. I love you all and thank you all for you testimonies. You are all inspirations to me and have such strength in this Gospel. I cant wait to hear from you all soon and God bless you.
Elder Benjamin B. Doggett
p.s. Matt thank you for that talk you are so amazing I miss and love you so much.